the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
