How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
