Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize