and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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