I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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