I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize