i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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