What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
