saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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