Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
it was like eating out sand paper
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
