yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
