Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
