party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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