I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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