i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
