I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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