i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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