then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Someone signed my nipple.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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