i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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