im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
