i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
