I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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