last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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