I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
