I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
