Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
