I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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