brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You can't motorboat a personality
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
