ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize