Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
