batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
