Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
