Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
