That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize