??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
