I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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