Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Let's get the cat blown out
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
