I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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