hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
