Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
