She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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