So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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