She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
