Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
