So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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