We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
