the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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