I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize