the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
