Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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