Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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