Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
