I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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