i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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