True but thats because hes a fetus.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
