its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize