Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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