ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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