Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
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