I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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