that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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