I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
