No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
