I got chris browned last night
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
