another moral hangover. fuck.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
