I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
