I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
