Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
