i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
