i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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