Girls should come with a carfax report
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
